There are days that weigh heavy, heavier than others. Questions weigh heavy... so heavy that I feel my shoulders droop.

I have not opened my eyes fully today; it is a bad day and it will go away. But I still have not opened my eyes fully today...

Wonder... wonder... wonder....

Is there a point where we stop wondering and start doing? It is unclear to me. For years we plan and plan... so when do we kickstart those plans? and how do we know if they are good plans? That they will actually amount to something?

Answers please???

What if the child the you run after and worry about and try to keep off the balcony actually astounds you one day? In a nice way of course... I mean, some people 'make it', some people are happy and successful and not an embarassment... these people have parents! As I was watching my son perform his part in his school's summer play, a little song and dance along with the other toddlers, I was wondering...what would it feel like? I know all about how wrong it is to 'expect' and putting pressure on them but I am pretty sure he will not read this... so there!

What if?? :-)

It certainly has not been an easy week... but then again I struggle to look back and remember any easy weeks over the last year or so. Is it me? Am I seeing things the wrong way? I desperately need some rest but there is no let up, nothing to look forward to since the powers that be are simply intent on removing any morsel of self-satisfaction from our existence. This is how I feel. Taking pleasure in everyday events is a blessing and that is no longer the case. Everyday seems to be a mundane collection of moments, albeit some brighter than others. I know I am an extremely selfish man and I have been training myself to be otherwise; training has paid off but the cost has been great. And was it worth it? I wonder... I am not sure me or anyone around is oozing happiness because of it or whether they will in the future.

As I write these lines I can only think of rest... nothing else... just rest... away...

There is a certain charm in living just for the day. We are allowed nothing more these days; this is the death of planning, for the future, our lives, holidays, schools everything. We are now called upon to pay up, shut up and nothing more. So much to my amusement I have realised that I am unable to plan anything in my life any more and every time I do it, it simply blows up in my face. Maybe that's the secret... relaaaax. And when the money runs out just die quietly...

Days are bright all of a sudden... there is only so much gloom a June morning can handle I suppose and rightly so. Last night we were once again faced with an onslaught of financial tragedy to come in the next few years. My wife and I turned the TV off and put on a DVD... old FRIENDS episodes... what is the point? I mean, we are not rich so hearing on TV that we will all probably die of starvation in our final years, is not likely to have a positive effect now does it?? But does it matter? I mean are we really expected to believe projections for 20, 30 years down the line? Recent experience shows that "news items" and "policies" are simply not worth the paper they are written on. So we all make do, one day at a time and plan our future as best we can. I have had enough of "scenarios" and live television debates on how I am going to survive on a 400EUR pension a month. Well I will not! Noone will survive on that, don't be idiots!!!!!! It is hardly a difficult mathematical conundrum!!

But still after all, this morning is shiny, oh how difficult it is to dampen the spirit and kill the mood. There is a flame there... unmistakable...