As the final bits of summer attire are being arranged in duffel bags or rucksacks (I avoid suitcases in the summer holidays.. they are too formal...) I look back at an unseemly season, one with so many ups and downs, which left a particular mark on me. The 08-09 period was a particularly harsh one and even though my life was full in every respect, a fact for which I remain extremely grateful, I long for the brakes... pushing down on them hard and then simply letting go, albeit for a while.

i m going slightly mad...

... Too much noise.. I do not live in a particularly noisy area but apparently it is noisy enough, and lately I have come to realise that in fact there is so much noise in my life that it has strangled any glimmer of silence in there. Whenever I am, wherever I go, it is impossible it seems to get at least some downtime, a noise free void that could allow me to collect my thoughts. It cannot be good for me, in fact I am pretty convinced it is probably very very bad for me. But what to do.... Shutting the world outside has become increasingly difficult lately especially since the world is fighting so hard to get in. Over the next few weeks I will try my utmost to keep that promise, trying to stay sane and hope for the best. I already believe I am fighting a losing battle but...

I think holidays and travelling is good, however, there is a daily need for down-time otherwise we will all go mad. And that is a prospect I do not particularly cherish!!

end credits... for summer renovation

There is a reason why we put up with so much ugliness around us... and the reason is weekend outings. For us blessed enough to live near enough to the coast, going to beach can indeed indeed be a simple process. We spent the entire day by the sea yesterday, and I must say it was worth the 10min traffic jam we faced on the way back.

As the city is slowly winding down for summer holidays, we ponder the end of a merciless winter-spring season. Wasn't just the 'financial crisis' that drove most of us to our wits end this winter, it was a continuous pressure to continue putting up with an overwhelming pressure on most fronts. But we survived, with a few more scars to show for it, a few more aches and pains that warrant further investigation and a bit more stressed. But we survived, and as we hope to pack and bid farewell to our lovely city for a few weeks we wonder, I wonder whether there will be any strength to make the return journey when the time comes.

We go through our daily routines trying to fit our wants and needs with our musts and have-tos. It is not easy, it is not even pretty sometimes, yet we continue doing it and doing it until we decide one day that this really is a bad fit and we suddenly realise that we had options open to us all along.

Of course this is just philosophy and as I write this in the midst of a severe stress-induced stomach pain, I wonder just how easy it is to practice what we preach when we are faced with uphill struggles where previously we had green meadows.

Oh it's such a perfect day...

ok ok they are rare and something usually ruins such days half-waythrough... but when there is even a breeze in downtown infernal Athens at 3pm then it is obvious: there is an inter-galactic conspiracy geared towards that day's perfection! That was yesterday, today was a new story. It was indeed an excellent day and one that got me thinking on many levels about decisions, attitudes and 'letting-go' just a little bit.

It is a rare occasion for me when someone i trust holds a mirror to my face and essentially shouts "look!!" albeit subtly... On general terms the view is not all that bad, but I catch a glimpse of what needs changing and what doesn't and a fresh perspective is always welcome around here! So... I know what I need to do I just need to go ahead and do it...

calm and patience

it is to blow up... it is easy to receive an email/phonecall and immediately react... I have done it sooo many times. But no more! There is really something to be said about lag-time and delayed reaction! I think I will make my mid-year resolution not to get entangled in these messes, especially when I am in the right, or right as I perceive it.

Our days are filled with angry emails and unheard of statements... we can feel our hearts race as we process the info. We feel heart attacks coming on as we force ourselves not to scream. But there is no reason... really... calmness is the only tool we need to muster!

ideas aplenty.....

Apparently we all have the capacity to write at least one book in our lifetimes. Which is a pretty good thing! However, how many GOOD ideas are we likely to have? You know the ones, those that are likely to change the course of our lives... I have been pondering ideas lately, perhaps a little too hard but I never seem to get around to THE ONE, even though I feel poised to do so... something is missing, a couple of crucial pieces the puzzle can take shape and everything can fall into place..

Any ideas???

all i want in life...

I read somewhere "all I want in life is a pleasant woman who will like me"... Very interesting insight into male mentality, and indeed for most of us it is true but there is a pathetic ring to this statement simply because the gentleman in question (an otherwise pretty upbeat 29-year old) has conveniently neglected to comment on his feelings. It sounds as if it is taken for granted that he will like her, as long as she likes him... not even loves him, just likes him.

As we grow older, are we really becoming more desperate? Are we really lowering our standards? and when is the cut-off point? I think this is not the case... I see it around me, I see it in me, as I grew older, I raised my standards expecting more, from people, from relationships and it is happening right now. All I want in life is what I have and more. That is not greed, it is our quest for evolution, our need to grow based on solid foundations. I am not sure if I am lucky, hardworking, lazy, careless or whether I believe in chance, but I do know that life has very "few" presents, most of what we think is given to us, we pay for and we grow to deserve in one way or another.

money can't buy it...

To be honest there is very few things money cannot buy... but it is worth pondering on those sometimes so that us not-rich folk can feel good about ourselves and carry on with our illusions!

This weekend money did go a long way though... bought us some tranquility by the beach and great food BUT it did not buy the smile on my son's face and for that I am grateful. Nor did it buy a sleep-in on Sunday morning on the sofa with wife and son. That cost nothing and that is what I remember on Monday morning and what I am writing about on my blog so it must have had some impact.

As I wonder what the week has in store I try to hold my breath and weather the storm that is brewing... I hate storms, I am sick and tired of them. And unfortunately money CAN buy those, or rather money can sell those... alas

So it is either anxiety, stress, a fatal disease or everything combined but for the last few days I have a constant weight on my chest... like I cannot draw breaths as deeply as I would like. Apart form my constant belief that I am dying, I have no other way to rationalise this. I have had X-rays, cat scan and heart check-ups a few weeks ago with a clean bill of health at the end of it. So what is this? What rare combination of events has my brain lined up this time to result in this??

Well what can I say? I should try and put it out of my mind but I am not entirely sure I have the capacity. And besides it is not as if, my brain and I are strangers! If I have to stop thinking about it, my brain has to tell my brain to do something, which is sort of an oxymoron... I will do my best but I expect very little in return...

keep in touch...

Such is our need to connect that we are willing to devise and take part into complex technological schemes to ensure we stay in touch with our cousins living just outside Oakland, New Zealand and to whom we have spoken all of twice in our lives! So why do it? why take part in the social networking wave?

There is a simple answer to this question and many complicated ones, I am sure. As we "edit our profiles" we realise that displaying our emotions and letting others comment on them appears to be a vital part of our online existence. It is of course part of our effort to infuse the web with humanity. In our day-to-day conversations we can shout, be sweet, be quiet and even fight if we have to and all that just by ranging the volume of our voice and using body language... but online whatever happens TimesNewRoman looks the same, even if we choose Bold as an option, no matter how angry or in love we are!

So do we keep on networking? or should we just pick up the phone?

enough....

Sometimes in life we have choices, and sometimes we are accused of the choices we make. Sometimes we claim we have no options, but deep down if we reeeeally wanted to we would have found a way.

A lot of changes take place in our lives and it is not always easy to adjust. For some bizarre reason it appears that my choices have been particularly under scrutiny by people around me; well that and the impact they have on my availability. Judgment is soo easy, I should know; but perhaps I am now paying the price for being judgemental in years gone by. For years, I was available, people would ring me up and I would be there; and I knew for a fact that it was not reciprocal but at that stage I did not mind.

For a while now I have been hearing ALL sorts of subtle and not-so-subtle hints revealing people's state of mind towards me. It all boils down to the fact that my limited availability is a punishable offense and for that I will be forever shunned. And now I am angry...

I feel stuffed... as in EATEN A LOT!! for the past couple of days I seem to have developed a far-too-healthy-for-my-waistline appetite. It could be a sign, I could be missing wife and son too much (am currently on a business trip) and choose food as a way out. Although that seems a bit far fetched to me.

During one of my food escapades yesterday I had dinner at a really interesting eaterie serving everything from crustaceans to strawberries with cream. While I was consuming some french fries, I heard the most wonderful utterance from my dinner partner: "I often wonder about those people's homes, don't you?". Actually I didn't but apparently my friend daydreams about the internal state of people's homes. Strangers that she sees on the street. Given my unique warped sense of excitement I found this fascinating and digged some more. My friend actually tries to picture where the sofas are placed, whether it was all done in good taste and whether the place is a mess when the people leave for work in the morning!

I immediately could not help but envy such a brilliant chain of thought! Utterly pointless of course but brilliant nonetheless! And of course I have been thinking about it ever since... all those little things we wonder about. Living in cities means proximity, our flats are stacked on top of one another so it is easy to see my friend's point. We interact with strangers all the time, we see them close to us sharing nearby tables, using the lift or sitting really close to them in the cinema. Do they wonder about us? Of course they do! Well at least I think they do, because if they don't then this post is verging on the weird!! :))