There are days that weigh heavy, heavier than others. Questions weigh heavy... so heavy that I feel my shoulders droop.

I have not opened my eyes fully today; it is a bad day and it will go away. But I still have not opened my eyes fully today...

Wonder... wonder... wonder....

Is there a point where we stop wondering and start doing? It is unclear to me. For years we plan and plan... so when do we kickstart those plans? and how do we know if they are good plans? That they will actually amount to something?

Answers please???

What if the child the you run after and worry about and try to keep off the balcony actually astounds you one day? In a nice way of course... I mean, some people 'make it', some people are happy and successful and not an embarassment... these people have parents! As I was watching my son perform his part in his school's summer play, a little song and dance along with the other toddlers, I was wondering...what would it feel like? I know all about how wrong it is to 'expect' and putting pressure on them but I am pretty sure he will not read this... so there!

What if?? :-)

It certainly has not been an easy week... but then again I struggle to look back and remember any easy weeks over the last year or so. Is it me? Am I seeing things the wrong way? I desperately need some rest but there is no let up, nothing to look forward to since the powers that be are simply intent on removing any morsel of self-satisfaction from our existence. This is how I feel. Taking pleasure in everyday events is a blessing and that is no longer the case. Everyday seems to be a mundane collection of moments, albeit some brighter than others. I know I am an extremely selfish man and I have been training myself to be otherwise; training has paid off but the cost has been great. And was it worth it? I wonder... I am not sure me or anyone around is oozing happiness because of it or whether they will in the future.

As I write these lines I can only think of rest... nothing else... just rest... away...

There is a certain charm in living just for the day. We are allowed nothing more these days; this is the death of planning, for the future, our lives, holidays, schools everything. We are now called upon to pay up, shut up and nothing more. So much to my amusement I have realised that I am unable to plan anything in my life any more and every time I do it, it simply blows up in my face. Maybe that's the secret... relaaaax. And when the money runs out just die quietly...

Days are bright all of a sudden... there is only so much gloom a June morning can handle I suppose and rightly so. Last night we were once again faced with an onslaught of financial tragedy to come in the next few years. My wife and I turned the TV off and put on a DVD... old FRIENDS episodes... what is the point? I mean, we are not rich so hearing on TV that we will all probably die of starvation in our final years, is not likely to have a positive effect now does it?? But does it matter? I mean are we really expected to believe projections for 20, 30 years down the line? Recent experience shows that "news items" and "policies" are simply not worth the paper they are written on. So we all make do, one day at a time and plan our future as best we can. I have had enough of "scenarios" and live television debates on how I am going to survive on a 400EUR pension a month. Well I will not! Noone will survive on that, don't be idiots!!!!!! It is hardly a difficult mathematical conundrum!!

But still after all, this morning is shiny, oh how difficult it is to dampen the spirit and kill the mood. There is a flame there... unmistakable...

Happy Monday... albeit with a blocked nose! I did manage to visit the beach having a cold, sneezing and with my nose running... little son decided that he is half-dolphin, and I could not shutter the dream! There must be a reason why we feel so at ease in water.. but that is not the subject of this blog-entry!

Not sure what the subject of this blog-entry is to be honest, however, I have to cherish these entries, resembling a sort of half-hearted diary open to the world.

So I am writing again... not only that I am finding myself writing a lot, and when I am not writing I think about it. I think about it almost all the time and I feel like a ray of sun travelling through tunnels seeking a way out into the open. All I see is inspiration, all I feel is opportunities and ways to further develop. I guess that is what happens when the cocoon finally breaks. I have ignored or put aside, my deep attraction to this medium for so many years; my eagerness to put pen to paper without any preassumption about talent. The truth of the matter is that although (naturally) I would like to be considered talented it is not in fact my first priority. I do no think that people are in awe when they read my stuff and most of it needs a lot more work, something I generally do not support as a method once something is written. However, the therapeutic sense I get when I write or plot in my mind the next scene, does not hinge on the outcome in any way.

I still remember one of my first essays in school about Rain... I remember letting myself go and just let it pour all out and how the teacher reacted to this literary undertaking. She was surprised. So was I. And that was it, less than three decades later following 1 novel about 10 short stories, 2 plays and the conceptualisation of a TV series, 2 blogs and countless essays I still feel like that boy handing in his essay and waiting...

My, my, my.... births, weekends, mud, hospitals, coughing, food, lemon pie, steaks and wine... lots of it... WHAT A WEEKEND!! And this week is continuing with the impetus of the last few days.

I have just realised something... this past year has been very turbulent, shocking in many ways however, I am going through a very productive phase! A lot of things going on but who can say how they will end up... so these are not only turbulent times but they are juicy ones, full of creative spirit. I am writing once again after years and it feels wonderful!