As summers gives away to a mild chill, I take a long hard look at the year that was, full with its crises and happy moments and more to come...

Hardship, difficulty and joy seem wonderfully intertwined in an entrancing merry-go-round ... and this is our life right now ...

Some days do make you wonder what you have been doing wrong ALL those other days that simply did not include a jog and a swim before heading to the office.

Edging away ... sometimes lifechanging decisions are taken but not enforced overnight ... they 'sip through' changing little by little. Am I the same man I was 12 months ago? Not sure but I made a decision 2 years ago and although it did not change my life right there and then it seems to be taking root and doing it now for me. Maybe patience is a virtue -- and for good reason too ! It pays off in most unexpected ways!

I wonder if a number of people around me are indeed correct - I get the impression that I am simply written off as not caring enough, that there is somehow a wall that stops overinvolvement. Is this true? Have I stopped being a real friend and have resigned to a superficial analysis of my friends' needs and wants. Am I an afterthought in their lives? Are they in mine? Does it make a difference? I ask myself whether this is simply a defence mechanism as I cope with the ever-increasing amount of 'things to do' in my life and how I perceive my role.

So Happy Easter .... may the light of resurrection light our lives ...

5 years and counting .... who would have thought? In my untrained, man-eyes, 5 years does seem like a solid amount of time for a marriage. It is not bad at all - so 5 years and 2 toddlers later here we are, celebrating this evening but I am not sure how.  Maybe getting everyone to sleep just a little bit earlier would be celebration enough. Maybe not ....

Heeeeeeeeeeere is Johny ....

What's eight months ? It's nothing - it is nothing compared to eternity, but I guess it is something, compared to what has taken place. Father again - sleepless again, and the receipient of those first-thing-in-the-morning smiles that only toddlers and young children can give you.

I have aged, my hair has gone grey and I have put on weight, which I cannot seem to shake off. I do not find time to visit any new eateries or funky new places around town; I am calculating incomes and expenses as I did when I was 20 years old, but somehow there is a sense of achievement -- and a sense that all is possible. I cannot seem to shake that - maybe it's the optimist in me seeking satisfaction.

The Monday after the weekend before -- could it be? balance at last? After two evening family dates, I must say I smile thinking about weekend and our mountainous excursion. There was rest - there was sleep, there was calm and there was walking and food and overall things falling into place. Naturally there is a long way to go --- but still ...

How can teeth break like that? And it does not hurt me yet but it will I know it. It is one of those things when you know you will simply pay for it later. Like Saturday, we ended up paying for that later. Is that how the cosmos gets balanced? One day of fun and relaxation and another day of vomiting, worry and sleeplessness? I wonder how it works - how prepared must we be to stay ahead of the game?

A lot of what I write about deals with the ability to face the world - the inner strength to cope and deal with the situations that we are challenged with. Reading past entries I regret that so much of it talks about the need for inner strength, as if a special extra reservoir of power is needed for a simple day in the office. When will i learn??? This is it... as good as it gets, as bad as it gets, as everyday as it gets. The kids have fever, the emails are pouring, the stress is mounting, and the beach was relaxing, dinner was fantastic, and along with everything else -- this is everyday.

A long weekend..