Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Two days before Christmas... only 1 present pending... everything else done and neatly hidden way to be revealed on Christmas day. The power of rituals, after all we are not so far way from our savage ancestors with their ritualistic rites and ceremonies.. What is Christmas and our celebration of it if not a ritual? an annual festival... We humans need our routines, it makes our calendar steady and robust and gives us something to look forward to. And indeed I am fool for Christmas every year, no matter what our budget for presents and my mood going into it, it will catch up with me eventually and this year was no exception.

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

WRAP UP... that is all i can think of. As I try to gather thoughts, send emails, think about the coming holidays and tie up loose ends, my mind is becoming increasingly exhilarated.

A few days away, a few days here... and a deep sensation that 2010 might deliver some of the promise that a New Year brings despite statistics and general gloom...
Have you noticed that when people are in somewhat dysfunctional relationships they tend to put the blame on gender differences?? "there is no making sense of women!" or "all men are the same"!! Have you picked up on that? I see it quite often, esp. after heated phone arguments... the minute the phone is down I would hear comments like "I simply do not understand women".. Of course women as a gender and a statistical sample would be quite difficult to assess so it is my guess that the colleague I have in mind simply cannot understand his girlfriend, with whom he has been together for donkey's years. I also think that he never did understand her and she probably feels the same. Because of course it works both ways...

People fall out of understanding and out of love more often than we think but it is simply too much effort to go through the technicalities and break up, so instead they spend a lifetime going through the motions, looking the other way, blaming men, women, stress, routine, etc etc. As I have said before, I am not one for advice on matters of the heart... but come on... confront it!!!!!

Monday, 21 December 2009

All good things to those who wait...

The end of 2009 can only be described as a good thing, a year the last three months of which felt like a battering ram to my stomach and to the stomach of a lot of people around me. I often feel that I am grateful for a healthy year for my family and that is the biggest blessing I can ask for.

It took me a while to accept things and take some things less for granted than I used to... so now I can safely say that I can rejoin the living after a long introspective pause. I am grateful and I am happy and wait for 2010 to dawn its magic upon us...

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Talent... no matter what it is, how it emerges, how it is cultivated and nurtured talent is a rare expression of godliness among humanity. Why pay 200EUR to see someone dance? or 100EUR to hear someone narrate a story? Talent is attractive and it comes in all shapes and sizes.

I believe the mistake we often do is to ignore or fail to realise where our talents lie, painting, dancing, acting are the obvious ones but there are soooo many others. Connecting with people, thinking clearly amidst the chaos, even loving are talents and we are not all capable of these things to the same degree... some of us are really talented.. others less so. And we admire that, even if we do not realise it immediately.

Friday, 11 December 2009

There is something to be said about the mind-boggling treadmill-induced boredom! In fact it is so effective in clearing my head that all sorts of ideas pop in!
I feel a veil was lifted this morning while on the treadmill at the gym... I realise what I want to do, how I want to do it and the plan to get there. Crystal-clear! It is no surprise that as time goes by my writing will consume more and more; just the thought of my play actually going on stage next year thrills me beyond belief... and I have so many ideas.. so much I want to put on paper. But there are other things before that and it is up to me to make sure they happen and they happen correctly.

Not sure where I will end up and what kind of a father or a husband I will be if I see all this through. But i do know what kind of a man I am now: a mopping, miserable one who does not react to the ugliness around him, and anything is better than that!

So watch this space for developments; first inside... then outside...

Thursday, 10 December 2009

under pressure.....

I am a firm believer in down-time... our ability to switch off without sleeping! Lately I have found it increasingly difficult to switch off, as if my mind is rebelling to the notion of rest and relaxation and as a result I am constantly stressed. It is work, surroundings along with a number of factors that contribute to my mental demise and I am starting to realise that I will have to put an end to it very very soon if I value my sanity.

So down-time it is... even if it means planning ahead and making time amidst the perceived chaos. When your days last approx. 14hours of constant alert the precious 30min. left to relax in are extremely important. I therefore decided to infuse those 14hours with a higher degree of nonchalance, therefore trying to ensure my survival!!

I know that 2009 was disastrous for many people, I myself have felt the impact of this year to varying degrees and as we turn a leaf and move over to 2010, I find myself wishing for the same things as I on January 1st 2009, but now all the more fervently and passionately.

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

A few years ago I purchased a mobile phone that I simply thought was the stuff that technological miracles were made of! I loved the style, design and the general approach to technology... it was great. Why am I telling you this... a few months ago and 3 phones after my dream-phone I was given a new high-tech, 3G, touch screen contraption which was supposed to be the latest in mobile phone technology, a marvel of modern know-how and execution. I hated it... it unnerved me, it could not even obey my simplest commands and placing a call was in fact a chore.

Last Sunday I was cleaning out one of my drawers, and I saw my dream-phone, which I had carefully laid aside as my expectations changed due to the advent of new technologies. I felt angry that somehow I had been too weak to stand by my desires and instead fell victim to the ongoing marketing merry-go-round, want more, buy more etc etc. I did not need the high-tech phone that looked a kitchen tile!!! All I wanted was my dream-phone with the funky ring tones and the rounded-off design. So i replaced it. I am now walking around with a 2006 model!!!! much to the horror of my colleagues who cannot understand how this can be. And I feel great.

Resist... that is the only sound advice I can give to anyone willing to listen. Sure we will keep on buying and consuming, I am all for that, but we have to stay in touch with ourselves.. what we like, what we need and what we want. Really like and really want

Monday, 7 December 2009

Of course death is such a natural part of life, like going to the toilet or being born even that its presence should gives us comfort. But it does not. Death, pretty much like the threat of pain, stands around us all-menacing as we perceive a risk entering our comfort zones. It is true, death ruins our plans, it destroys lives in a fundamental way, your dreams, expectations and emotions are often shattered, albeit momentarily, on account of someone's death. New dreams and expectations take their place...

But death itself cannot be avoided and no matter how far ahead we plan for a concert or a dream holiday, the truth is we might not make it or someone we love might not make it... I had to face that grueling reality over the weekend as I watched a very dear friend of mine say goodbye to the love of her life... and I realised that as we spoke her old dreams meant nothing and they were going to be replaced by new ones and such is the way of the world. We pursue endlessly until we face a dead-end and then we start all over again towards a new direction. And that is life...

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

There is a sigh of relief... a deep one... like the worst are behind us and as dawn breaks on this most glorious of months i feel bright, trying to shed the greyness of the past few weeks away. I wrote a few days ago about endings, I am still not sure what is happening but I am sure of that 'gut feeling'.

It is just that endings or not, I need to savour these few days leading up to my birthday and allow myself to relax. I am starting to resent this constant feeling of angst and 'stolen' relaxation, like a 'how dare you relax?' attitude.. Well i do dare, and if i don't dare i will probably die. Yesterday I met a girl who spent 4 days in hospital suffering from work-induced exhaustion. She is 22 and takes home well below half my pay packet. Yet somehow in today's day and age this is considered a normal turn of events... noone is going to apologise to her or her family and as I am getting increasingly fed up and disgusted with the 'sacrifices' we are called to make in a thousand subtle ways, I resolve to putting up walls: never again will I allow myself to be placed in such a vulnerable situation where I have to excuse myself for not overworking or feel bad because I have to give my son a bath. It is a sorry and miserable time when performance is based on how much you are shown to sacrifice rather than how much you are producing and at what quality.

About Me

There is not much to say that is not covered in my posts... this blog was created because, well because writing has been a passion of mine and communicating is high up there on the list too...