So it's been a long time -- freakishly long actually to the point where I was wondering whether I had simply run out of things to say. The past few months, well the first six of 2011 altogether have certainly been taxing in sooo many ways but really fulfilling in a few others. It seems that the cosmos is intent on balancing good and bad - not toooo much good or we will get spoiled. And I guess that keeps the too-much-bad away as well, which is itself a good thing!

As we are sinking deeper into economic collapse is this time to count our blessings yet again? As we are facing deadends all around is this the time to look up rather than ahead? As we are exhausted from our lives is this time to look for love rather than money?

There was a time when airports were buzzing... people were interesting, the traveling sort, and the place was a gateway rather than an 'enclosure' in itself. Nowadays I feel that airports are simply there to contain people rather than set them free on their way. Everyone looks dull, uninterested and most importantly un-interesting. It is a sad fate for the human forced to interface repeatedly in the airports of the world, all desensitized with the grim veil of uniformity. I was travelling over the past couple of days and there simply was no telling where I was. All airports look the same now.

I remember an argument regarding Athens' old airport - simply 'inappropriate', 'too small', 'too close to town', mostly correct all those arguments but that airport did feel like home, the entire construction reflected felt like it belonged in that capital and nowhere else. Now as throngs of sheep-like passengers are shuttled from one sad airport to the other, it makes no difference where they are going to or where they are coming from. We might as well stay home ...

Ok so 2011 AND the Year of Rabbit seem to be falling AWAY below expectations so far... in fact if you exclude some glimmers of sunshine, the past 6 weeks or so have been pretty horrid... I mean come on... tons of ink were spent on star-sign predictions less than 2 months ago, underlining the fact that 2011 was supposed to my year! Nobody else's just mine!!!!! where the hell is it?? I am used to failed expectations esp. in terms of star signs but I feel cheated here -- I kid you not, 2011 was poised for greatness... instead it feels like a bad rerun of the last few months of 2010 and they were not a pretty picture!

So you better get your act together 2011 my friend -- not sure I can handle another calendar disaster!!!

How can we explain and rationalise bad things happening to us? Painful, traumatic events that scar us, possibly for ever.... ? We probably don't, but there is somewhere the strength to cry a lot, grieve and somehow get up the next day and the day after that and watch as your wounds heal.

Last week was probably one of the hardest I had to face - and I have been pampered I have not gone through all that much in my life. But the weekend made sure I got my share. So where does the strength hide? How do dreams get replaced by new dreams and how can we teach our souls NEVER to expect? I am looking into it and I will let you know...

How grateful are we all supposed to feel these days? and for what? When it comes to me, my thoughts immediately turn to love and being grateful for quiet sleepy nights, health, dreams and our strength to make them come true.

If there is one thing worse than spending Christmas Eve in a hospital, it is spending it in a children's hospital. And that was our lot this Christmas Eve. It is of course amazing how any significance attached to the day went out the window, the minute the doctor told us that they have to keep our son in the hospital and cannot be allowed to leave with his temperature and history.

And it was dismal of course. The fact that a 3-year old was walking around with an iv-line inserted, my 3-year old, was enough to make me cry. But in the end he was discharged a day later - on Christmas day in fact; just in time for a family lunch! But it made my wife and I think - what does happen to a parent when their child is truly ill? How can one recover from that? We spent 24h miserable hours with a 'simple' chest infection... what if? what if??

There is no internal defence I can think of that would protect me from the onslaught of that tidal wave.. none at all.

OK so I was wrong ... not all hope is gone! There is hope. But it has crept in some really really weird places, like our brain - other people's brain and under a few rocks, behind the old dresser and places like that.

Nothing out of the ordinary has taken place - in fact the gloom scenarios are around stronger than ever , but a line has to be drawn. In the face of collective misery, we have to try and parade individual resistance. Because after all, mob mentality NEVER EVER did any one person any good!!

Is this really the black hole where hope and positive thinking come to lay their tired bodies?? I mean seriously what has happened to this year? Apart from continuous hits above and below the belt, it seems to me that December is not turning out to be quite as jolly as one might have expected.

We are really anticipating 2011 to come through the door simply because the new always holds some promise. But that is the ONLY reason; deep down we know pretty well that 2011 is likely to be as punishing and brutal as 2010.

Good luck to all the women and children... all of us included...

Last night I wasted an evening of my life, listening to a life-coach presenting his programme. I went to support a friend - whose life apparently was changed by the programme and wanted to spread the joy. Last night I vowed that apart from the necessary hours I struggle with and often fail at my job I will not again waste any time on anything! I will do and spend time as I see fit for myself and those around me.

I am getting old... I looked in the mirror yesterday and I had this grey tinge about my face - an indescribable paleness and I should know, let's face it, I am not known for my fair skin! I am getting old. My hair is in fact turning grey, what's left of it anyway. I am philosophizing a lot more lately and I have a sneaking suspicion that the weight I have put on is not going to leave me unless I do something drastic. Even my teeth are starting to lose their overwhelming whiteness.

I am 35 ... but I am getting old I can feel it... and it will not get easier either.... but it is worth at least resisting a little bit. I am going to rethink the beard!!