consolidate... or perish...

Well, I always thought that doors closing, windows opening, is all part of life. But open too many windows and suddenly you have a draft. So there is no winning... but I must say I prefer a draft than second-hand, stale air! There is a lot going on you see and when there is a lot going on I tend to lose focus but perhaps this is for the best. Focus and I do not really go hand-in-hand, I might as well admit it now and get it over and done with. So it is best not to focus too long on one thing and when I have the luxury to do that I am happiest.

I will never concentrate on one thing, that much I have gathered. I will have 2,3,4 projects on the go and hope they will work out. The problem is constantly finding new areas of stimulus... and surely this must be a finite list of items that "can raise for flag" for a long time. But for the time being, something is going well... something has given me wings... and like Daidalus I might crash but it feels like a good ride..

Somewhere not far away, actually very near from here, life is carrying on... right now... but rather differently... weekends away are normal. We have them quite often. Escaping in the heart of September is a luxury I agree but we had to use our free air-mails so the Greek isles seemed ideal.

There is something to be said about island life... our life away from the city. They wake up, go about their business, have fights, love, hate, eat, sleep, have sex, get up again and another day begins but there is something different. The constant hum of the waves crushing, the lack of connectedness, the feeling of solitude unique to an islander. This is therapy in the shape of a land mass! I feel like I spent the weekend at a parallel universe... where i was convinced that life continued in the universe i came from but it did not really seem tangible, it was so far away from me.

one of life's little jokes... routine

I was told that I need a break, that the routine might be getting to me... I was also told that I pay attention to small things too much and let them get to me.

The fact of the matter is that as we grow older putting up with routines is what we get to do best. In fact I do not mind my routine at all, it is the breaking of my routine that I mind and affects me negatively. And routine is all about small things, it is all about a succession of small things leading to the bigger whole. So of course small things get to me, they always have. But people get to me too... more people than ever before in fact and that kind of worries me.

What I know that is am going through a pretty cynical time right now although I never meant to; it is just that I need some sort of defence against the ineptitude of certain coworkers, the stupidity of fellow drivers, the injustice that surrounds me all around. All this of course should be part of the routine by now, but I refuse to assimilate them, you see... that is the problem! Accepting is approving and I cannot do that..

I go to this gym in my neighbourhood, nice enough place, known the people for years. There is one guy who refuses to say hello to me in there! It baffles me! He is there early in the morning as I am, talks to everyone apart from me. This morning it was the same. I think I need to fight the overwhelming desire I have for pleasantness and simply not care. However, it seems so intriguing to me and I cannot help but wonder. I should understand it; maybe he does not like my face, maybe he does not like the way I work out :) but in any case he pretty much refuses to talk to me...

For me of course that is a huge deal.

OK, so you have a two-year old son with a birthday coming up! The whole house will be decked out and ready to receive guest, McQueen theme aplenty but I cannot help but wonder... does it really mean anything to him? I am pretty sure he will understand that there is a big deal, especially with all the people around interfering with his normal schedule but in actual fact, I am not entirely certain that this is even what he would have liked and that kind of scares me!

I mean the point is that he has a great day, a special day... after all birthdays should be special! Especially when you are two and you derive pleasure from a bowl of cereal. But why do we find it so difficult to connect to a 2-year old brain, when we were in that exact same position just a few short decades ago?

fight or flight

There is something to be said about peace of mind... the kind of peace you get only when children are asleep and for a moment or so there seem to be no worries in the world. It is not really linked to holidays at least not for me; holidays are Pause, they are not a Stop button, therefore all unsolved issues remained unsolved, we just put off their solution, which can be source of worry in itself.

I am usually worried, I spend my life worried, but lately I am starting to experience quite strong "flight" instincts. For me that is not an all good sign, when I start to get the urge to leave I eventually succeed but often the cost varies. This time I am not ready for any cost, but I do know that something has got to give and the tide must change. It could be of course that change is nothing but a state of mind which can eventually lead to peace but I have not figured that out either. For the time being I am struggling with the urge.... and peace is far from my mind!

It is the trees' fault... after four days of devastating fires sure to lead to flooding aside from the obvious ugliness, the official word is that the trees are partly to blame for the fires! you know, their shape, structure, position was provocative!! As incompetence, ignorance are hailed as 'government position', I cannot help but wonder what has gone wrong with us. It is obvious that we live in a country we deserve, run by people we deserve, so basically it is our fault.

What happens to humans with power? Why is power seen as nothing more than an entrance way to all those things we are groomed to envy all our lives?! A house on a hill... in the middle of the trees... away from everyone else... It seems to me that we are now more than ever prepared to do anything for money and getting what we want, burning a few acres of land, bribing a few officials etc etc etc. The price is constantly higher of course but we seem to accept it, because deep down we know that we might find ourselves in a similar position. Yes, we 'hate' all those bad people who go and built houses where once stood great pine trees... BUT we see the house with the pool and we know, we know what we are too scared to admit even to ourselves....

ashes to ashes.....

I need to write today... I have been meaning to write this post all weekend in one form or another. I did nothing yet I feel exhausted; once again this morning I woke up and my mountain balcony view was an apocalyptic scene of bellowing smoke hiding the sun. Fire everywhere burning down tomorrow. These are not just trees, these are tomorrows trees, but alas.

Sunday morning, we got up at 6:30 am and the flames visible from the living room window revealed just how close hell was, about 15min by car to be exact. And yet we never learn, we will forget this tragedy like we forgot others before it, we will get used to driving through bare mountains were once stood 100-year old pine forests. And we will get used to more people building their dream houses on burnt down hopes. So we probably deserve this, we must deserve it because it has been going on for so long, it is obviously ok by us, by all of us. and that is what makes me so sad...

A friend of mine, whom I have recently caught up with, is soon moving to the US with his family for a new start having been offered a brand new position in his field. Apart from the gutsiness of his move, I believe 100% that people were put on this Earth to make such decisions, to change our lives to pick and go where we believe we will be better off, not just us but our families too. I wish all three of them the best of luck!

hail to the new season...

So we are settling back, trying to shake the sand out of our Birkenstocks and our loafers, looking for the After-sun lotion and wondering when the phone in the office will ring again so we can set the big wheel in motion again.

Holidays in the Greek islands has its good and bad points; but one of the best points is the deep sense of escape one gets after living the island-life even for a few days. It is not just the beach or the sun or the endless walks around green-less specks of rock darted around on a blue blanket. It is the sense of belonging to that place, of doing things their way and not missing your keyboard or your Wi-Fi or your Outlook. For me the biggest holiday crime is asking that terrible question "Do you have Wi Fi connection?" to the hotel manager of the cutest bungalow complex in the southern Aegean sea. Unfortunately there is Wi Fi access, by popular demand. But in spite of the lap-toppers holidays are indeed an event that bring us face to face with at least some of our demons, yet another time for resolutions, decisions and even actions. And I hope and pray I will find the strength to be resolute, decide and act in this new season that is dawning... Welcome back...